Road to Recovery

My blog posts has been a bit "dry" lately these few months. If you read from the beginnings on my genre, you could see a twist and turn from what i used to write, to what i wrote, to what i now write. It probably shows my character in season as well, how i grow and prioritise and change from time to time, but always along the same lines, just repititive every season.


Now the present, im getting better from my unfortunate downturn of health for the past 3 days, but thankfully, i've on the road to recovery. Thank you Lord. For now, i pray for the best in my exams this coming Monday as well as the fury of assignments after that. People are wishing for a quick exam period and return to their homeland....however i not..... sorry to say.

Summer by the way should be interesting this time. Moving/working/studying. That should pose a new challenge to my coming year. Looking forward =)

All in a day's work

I've completed my first exam several days ago. (Drum Roll)

Yay! Glad that was over. Now my attention is set on next Monday's paper, which by far is the most interesting and difficult-tess paper i've sat thus far. The materials involved are really deep and requires revision every week to refresh my memory. I admitted in revision up until mid-term break where i stopped to complete my full-swing rush of assignments that were lining up to be handed in.

Thus far, i've failed in not completing 2 assignments on the designated date i picked, but nontheless, i need to work on it asap right after Monday's paper.

2 assignments, 7000 words, 9 days, 100%. How bad of facts could i ask for? It could have been, 1 assignment, 1000 words, 1 week, 10%...... but nooooo...

Thank my lecturer as well for being hyper super duper lenient in his paper. Praise God for that!

Back to reality now, i've actually completed my study for Monday's exam, just revising them thoroughly now. On the rainy side, im down with fever, mild fever i would say, as i've been through worst fevers than this. Preparing myself an environment to get well as fast as possible. I cannot afford to be handicapped at this moment. Not when alot is at stake.

Lord, heed my cries and prayers. Amen.

It's hard to say i'm sorry

Saying sorry perhaps tops the list of the hardest things to do in everyone's life. Only God does it best while we avoid it if its possible because of our ego and selfishness.

I pray to have such a heart, to be able to say sorry, and also to forgive.

I'm sorry, for the past actions to people i've annoyed/hurt.

...

That's right.

dot dot dot ...

i dono what to post...

my exam is a week's away...

i've got all summer to look for furnitures...

half the summer to work...

the other half to finish one subject...

i'm feeling...

feelingless...

like floating in the air with no sense of direction but gliding with the wind

Mind Bubble

This period of time has been really challenging to me. I had recently made a decision to commit myself to another club yet again. This time, more intensive as before. I wonder if i'm making the right decision for myself. Then again, the "right" decision is also selfish. My years in Uni has given me tough challenges both academically and socially. I'm honestly afraid of what next year is installed for me by God.

It seems i live, breathe and eat my study with me as well as cook, prepare and sleep with my commitments and loyalties. A friend told me, that its ok to say NO and that I should feel peace after it. My friend said that in any decision you make, you must be able to feel and have peace about it. That talked helped me a lot in discovering decisions i make. I need to be at peace with it. I don't want to do things for the sake of self-interest or for the sake of others.

Sometimes sacrifice is needed to "betray" your loyalties elsewhere by saying no, but again, saying yes can also strike a trade-off. Either way, you cant have one and the other. To strike balance between anything that's clashing is the toughest challenge in life. I have made that decision, and I wil try my best to strike that balance, even if it means letting down both my loyalties, responsibilites and commitments, it's the best i can give and offer. I would only let God and myself down if i don't try anything at all.

The life squeezed out of me

My life is full of planning this month. All of it has gotta do with preparation for exams. As myself, i tend to overplan and in most cases, to very detail. When i overplan, i don just give a grace period by a day or two, i plan to plan for something. If i need 4 days to study for a test, i double that by 4 again, making it 8 days to study for a test. If i need study during study break, i study before study break. If i have to take the bus at 8, i am ready by 7.

All this is just me. I plan far ahead.

But when things come right down to the last minute, it screws me up and my life together with it. My responsibilities and my life are always full of unexpected suprises hence the double planning comes in handy. Then again, too many tasks this month demands so much from what a capable human can do. I have to divide so many things to make up a bit for everything, for the best interest of everybody.

It is exhausting. It gets worst knowing emotions and stress creeps into you and takes over sometimes. It's made hard when I know i'm have my commitments elsewhere. Part of life is being able to find my way out of this struggle.

When my plans are disrupted, i get annoyed, as everyone else does. What's more compulsive, is that i get annoyed as well when my grace-period planning is disrupted. The tendency to over-plan fills up my schedules pretty much of everything, which makes my month full of plannings.

Is there something wrong with my scheduling? Or do i just have the compulsive-behaviour to double plan for something.

Partially, i associate it with the lack of confidence. But then again, confidence is a choice. Therefore i chose to overplan, because by that, only am i confident in achieving something.

So answering myself, no, i don't think i have a planning problem.

Gonna do this silent scream again. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Let's get back to work then shall we.

A hole so deep

Date today reads 2nd October 2008. It another 3 weeks before finals start but leading to it is time period of anxiety to do revision. A solid 3 weeks for 2 papers is rather relaxing but not with 4 assignments hung in front of your head. With the readings and work needed to complete these a week before study break, it is just too much. Absolutely too much. 4 reports to write with equally huge amount of reading.

I've refrained and toned down the impact of my complains to people as well as myself but the pressure and stress is just too much. I probably brought this upon myself as a failure to foresee this chain of events that leads to pressures and stresses such as this.

I sigh loudly as i write, knowing only i have the authority and power to make things change. The challenge to manage time is always a struggle among students and I admit i'm no master in dividing them equally.

However it turns out to be, I'll just have to trust God's timing in everything although nothing seems achievable at the moment with the time in hand. A journey to the top of the mountain starts with the first step. Unless I take it, I'll never be that step closer.

It's what we all students go through I'm sure and it'll be unwise to say that my stress outweighs those of my friends.

I just want to offer comfort to those who are in this similar situation, that we're rocking the same boat.

Inside a guy's head

Guys, we're amazing aren't we. We are like...........the opposite of girls. We have the physique, the macho-ness and the gift to charm.

I write this not to glorify the characteristics of how good my gender offers in society but to give a glimpse of what girls should know when encountering these situations, based on my experience and thoughts. To you guys, i'm sorry for revealing the true nature which you cannot deny, my intentions are only to protect the purity of the opposite sex and to not see them being used as a tool.


1. Guys think girls are always interested in them

This is true to classical-guy-thinking. Every guy thinks that the girl next to him is interested in him when she greets or talks to him. Any sort of recurring communication reinforces the "idea" that guys think girls are interested in them.

Advise: Tone yourself down ladies, don't give in more than you already have. Avoid being flirtatious. You're only giving false hope to a desperate guy.



2. Guys will try to get to know the girls' friends

To get close to a girl, guys will try to "fit in". They will introduce themselves to her friends and get to know them. That way, they can get precious info on her likes/dislikes without actually bothering what her friend's last name even is. To her friends, he is only using you. So any sort of nice things he say is therefore temporary unless his intentions are clear (To make friends). Otherwise, see him a month later and he won't even recall your name!

Advise: Watch his moves, if he tries to get to know your friends by himself without you introducing, Point No. 1 confirms Point No. 2!!!



3. Guys will sacrifice everything they can afford

They will sacrifice their time, study, work and sleep for it. If a girl hints at something, guys sense it as an opportunity to score. Eg. "My assignment is screwed! I can't find any articles on (fill in yourself)". Guys swoop in immediately, "What are you looking for?". Seems like a nice thing a nice guy would do. How about this, "I ran out of pepper, no wonder my cooking wasn't nice". Guys will drive straight to the supermarket and buy pepper straight away, eventhough girls have finished cooking , eaten and put the dishes back in the cupboard already. Time, sleep, study and work is not a barrier to guys. In their head, giving those up is worth it cause the girl is interested in him, *hint hint* No pepper.

Advise: Cut down on the complaining. This will put less emphasis on Point No. 1. Complain to a girl instead.



4. Guys change their lifestyle to suit hers

Guys will give up anything, as mentioned, even their lifestyle. They will change their face, habits, language, diet by putting on a temporary mask just to look good in front of her. What's worst, they may add extra something to their daily activity to fit in. A guy will temporarily like cooking if the girl is a good cook. He will try to learn how to cook, even change his diet from fastfood to homecook just for that.

Advise: Don't give too much of yourself away. Even if you do, note that his agreeing and amazement towards everything is a form of giving-the-stage to you.



5. Guys listen carefully, then debates back, then "surrenders"

In this situation, the guy sees himself as "never right". Eg:

Girl: Studying at home is so distracting. There's the kitchen around, lounge and my bed.
Guy: But its homey, you can rest when you like, and everything is available.
Girl: But the atmosphere isn't there. In the lib, everyone is studying, which motivates me
Guy: Well, if you have discipline you can study anyway
Girl: But still, distraction is more likely to happen right or not?
Guy: Ya i guess so, perhaps i should try studying in library then.

See where this is going? His priciples is overshadowed and humbled because of the differences the girl has. Sooner, studying will no longer involve book + guy but (Book + guy) + (Book + girl).

Advise: Respect other's thinking. If he doesn't have one set-mind on a situation, then don have one either.



6. Guys making moves are only interested in girls temporarily.

Guys making moves like buying drinks, asking out for a movie etc are only interested in a girl temporarily. They have no intention of getting to know you as a long-term friend. Once he finds out everything he needs to know about a girl, cross-check with his own needs, filters them out, produces a score lower than his expected average, he moves onto another "target". From constant contact for a good month to rare contact the next proves Point No. 6.

Advise: Don't start a relationship because he's "nice". Don't just accept everything he offers as well. Think about how opportunists he might get



7. Guys who are nice expect something back

Guys are selfish morons, they expect something in return from all their sacrifice in being nice.

1 Corinthians 13:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

A guy who gives up is not looking for true love. He is only seeking returns from the girl. They deliberately lost interest to get out of a relationship they started.

Advise: Be aware of his responses to you. If girls you just want to play around, you're not better than the guy who hurt/will hurt you anyway.



8. Guys show off their lifestyle

Two scenarios tend to happen. They either show-off their lifestyle and expect the girl to be amazed, or, they change it (Point No. 4). In this case, they exaggerate everything they do, keeps account of what he does and then brags it off to the girl in which her reaction is usually, amazement.

Advise: Bragging tends to be normal among human beings, even girls themselves, but you can almost spot a bragger who has no limits when he is forcing something upon you.



9. Guys who are looking for a relationship are desperate

Guys like these are not sincere. They are desperate people who needs someone to fill in that gap. These guys cannot seek joy and gratefulness in what they have in their life. Girls tend to think if that it so, i therefore am his cure. Try rephrasing your position and think what cure does. A healthy person will not continue taking panadols.

Advise: Being single and being in a relationship are the same hierarchal level. Single is not below being-in-a-relationship. They are of the same level of life which God gives us to fulfil His plans. If you can't seek joy being single, there's no difference in seeking joy when you're a couple because the intention itself is self-seeking returns that fills the gap of loneliness.



10. Guys sin with their eyes

A guy's weaknesses is their eyes. They see something, magnify it 10 times and enjoy the pleasure of it. Not all guys are like this if they know what their eyes can do. But classical guys are different. Their eyes are what gives them pleasure and when the pleasure is absent, therefore the interest is lost. It's not suprising if a girl who has a lot of attention is constantly having to keep up with fashion and trends because of the attention she gets. Guys tend to move from girl to girl on the other hand to continue seeking pleasure.

Advise: Once you're no longer keeping up with trends, he is no longer interested in you. Dress modestly and properly. Remove the option for guys to sin with their eyes. It helps both sides





Disclaimer: Events above does not refer to anyone in particular. Any reference to an individual may be solely coincidental and accidental. (But if it does, then shame on you!)

Copyright: This article is self-authored based on intuition and should not be use for intentions of generalisation.