18th October marks the day i gave my life to Christ. Yet, it is not a process done and finished once and for all. It is just a beginning of the struggles to come, yet, i persist knowing i gave myself up to God to take my life through. Gone were the days that i go around, over and under the problems. Gone were the days i try to run away and ignore difficulties anymore. Christ is here to live in me, and my body is His temple.

Professing my love for Jesus, doesn't make me a better person from now on. It's declaring that i'm weak, and i need Him. I'm still a sinner, no different from the rest of the world. Yet, following Jesus gives me hope. Hope to change, hope to pick myself up and hope to be forgiven.

I have nothing to give to God. There is nothing i can be proud of in my life that i can say before Him ,"Lord, i am proud of myself as a good person". For what is the meaning of my life, compared to His pureness, awesomeness and holiness.

I'm wicked, sinful and evil. I'm capable of all those things. Many asked, why did God create evil? Why didn't just wipe out evil once and for all? God did not created evil. Men did. The sooner we stop blaming God for everything, the sooner we realise how small and weak we are. If God were to wipe out all evil, there would be no one left on Earth the next second.

Yet, Jesus willingly gave Himself up for me. For what? Because i'm worth it? Because i deserved it?

~ To show us, the true meaning of love ~



Unshamed by Starfield (Link to song)

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete

Narnia

I'm getting BAPTIZED this coming SUNDAY.

Question?

I have not been posting anything recently. There was just too much gush to write about. I have so so much to blog about, yet, without a start, i leave it all tomorrow and tomorrow until it gets too heavy to bother writing. But i found something that sums up half of what i want to blog about, but it's alright.
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Second semester started not long ago. My gosh, 4 weeks ago. -_-''. Time really is zooming. God has been always faithful to me, and when i read this, i felt a need to post it up. It's too good to keep it for myself. I pray that God continues to work in your (readers) lives as well.

Ten Questions To Diagnose Your Spiritual Health ~ Donald S. Whitney

Is your character becoming more like Christ's?

1. Do you thirst for God?

2. Are you governed increasingly by God's Word?

3. Are you more loving?

4. Are you more sensitive to God's presence?

5. Do you have a growing concern for the spiritual and temporal needs of others?

6. Are you more reliant on God each day?

7. Are the spiritual disciplines increasingly important to you?

8. Do you still grieve over sin?

9. Are you a quicker forgiver?

10. Do you yearn for heaven and to be with Jesus?

Attending church on Sundays doesn't quite cut it, people. Neither does being busy with Christian activities, or congratulating oneself on not stealing/cheating/lying/hating/etc

Just ponder about it for a while, without thinking of your next assignment, your studies, what you're planning for tonight, games, msn.

Have a great day =)

Dilemma

One night i was heading to uni to study. While walking towards the computer lab, my flatmates and i watched a girl waving down a bus from the main terminal in the uni and missed it. It was a cool night at the time. Adding to her black clothings and black hair, she was hardly noticeable from any angle i have to admit. Thus she missed the bus right in front of us.

We watched her run across the parking lot to try desperately to wave down the bus for the last time to no avail. Dilemma creeped in. Both my flatmates prompt an action of kindness by asking one another should we help send her back. My mind was blanked. I'm put in a position to choose between studying for my finals and helping a total stranger. It was such a difficult 5 seconds. I hesitantly chose to say no and in addition defended my answer as being her fault for missing the bus.

That decision did not bring peace to me. I kept wondering, even now...... if i could have managed the situation better.
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By every book, it is the expected action to help her isn't it?

And by every right, it is a person's decision to not help her as well isn't it?

Either one, it did not bring peace to my mind and heart.

I was certainly reluctant to help her because i did not know her and where she lives. In addition, my study was my priority. At the same time, i felt as though it was her fault for missing the bus. My reasons certainly lack substance, but is it something God wanted me to ponder about?

I thought about if that if i helped her, i should help others too, but i don't usually help people who miss the bus. What does that make me? A hypocrite? Certainly if my flatmates miss the bus, i would help send and pick them, because i know them and the relationship is different. Is that a good reason? I know i'm not the only one that ever feels this way. Many passengers on those bus would have thought about how if they could help, would they do it question too.

If i had listened to my flatmates and we sent her back, i could easily feel as unpeaceful as i am now, because of the fact that i was coerced to do so.

One thing i can be certain of is that, i had no intention of being involved in someone elses' problem, knowing especially it happens to everyone in their lives. Being involved in one particular incident doesn't make me a good person. It only makes me a bigger hypocrite. Another thing is the attitude of which the matter of my intention of helping. If i was forced, my attitude of helping is not right. People may say, it doesn't matter as long as the help was extended. There's more to just the help. What about the attitude? If i was coerced to help, i definitely know the attitude of my helping was wrong.

I don't really know what to think. It's puzzling. When i keep replying the incident, i was reminded of this verse in the Bible from Matthew 7:3

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.


It sort of reminded me about my decision and from the attitude perspective, not the action perspective. I know from the action perspective, i was a dick for not helping already. But from the attitude perspective, it was clear to me from the passage that it reminded me of my attitudes towards helping others.

Jesus reiterates in the passage above about how we tend to judge people blatantly, without first looking at ourselves, knowing we too are not perfect and in every way are like the ones we judge. The passage tells us about how we ought to look into our own eyes by taking out the plank, before we look into our brother's eyes and take out his sawdust.

Just from that, i know clearly that if i had helped the girl, i was a hypocrite because i did not have the intention to help. I am more inclined to help those closer around me because they are the planks in my eyes. My reasons would be more justified by helping friends who need me most, than strangers because they are the ones whom i have to deal with in my daily walks of life. Helping a stranger while disregarding the people closer to me, when they are the ones that need me most makes me a hypocrite, and whatever help i have given is by no means justificating my intentions which wasn't sincere.

Ponder upon this,

What are your intentions when lending a helping hand?


ps: 2 posts in one nigth. Read the one below as well

Question of an omnipotent being

Have you ever wondered the word god really refers to a being that is all powerful and all mighty?

Do you think the word god is just a term to define something/someone?

Do you wonder if people just made god(s) up as civilisation moves on?

In my own words, i believe that God is all powerful and all mighty, that the word god is not just something that describes a force that is not human, but a name given to it (note the caps) and I believe God existed and made men, not men made God.

Why?

There are reasons we can easily gather from our knowledge of this world to supress God's existence and His importance in today's society. From my own experience and criticisms, i can point out a few. These are what atheists usually say when asked about the existence of God.

1. God cannot be seen and touch.

Of 5 of the human senses, these are perhaps easiest indicator used to identify an existence. It is true, that God has no face anyone can paint, nor does He have a solid physical structure that anyone can easily recognise. Even more compelling is the idea that a God that cannot be seen and touch can talk and act. Atheists' question as to why such a powerful being is unable to show itself but still "controls" humanity.

Here's a simple analogy. Can you see air? No. But does it mean it isn't there? Quite easily atheists' will counter this argument empirically by saying that the quantities of air and its content can be tested and proven while God cannot. Says who? God made the Heavens and the Earth and all that is in it from the soil to the trees, to seas and to mountains, to gold and silver. Who is to say God's creation is not an evidence? What seperates God from men, is that God is a creator, men are discoverers.

No man has ever created anything out of nothing. Men manipulate what the world has to offer to make something new. It is always said that the Wright Brothers invented the first airplane and that was how aviation today was borned. In other words, created. I am more inclined to believe that men discovered aviation by using the theories of aerodynamics and physics made by God.

Men may not see God himself, but does that mean He doesn't exist? Men have made hypothesis, theories, arguments and debates but has never come to a conclusion because men cannot disprove God's inexistence. How ironic right? That it is so difficult for men to prove something that cannot be seen and touch doesn't exist, yet fail to do so.

I have never seen a panda in my life, does that mean it doesn't exist? It boils down to the notion of my attitude towards something. An atheist chooses not to believe in God because he/she has the freewill to do so, and by choosing, he/she omits the possibility that there is a God. In effect, atheists choose to not want to see and listen. Can you see the bias? It is not the issue that they believe in God's inexistence because it is true, but more towards choosing not to believe. Easily said, i choose not to believe in pandas, because the foundations and charities that support them are fake. How blatant can i get?

God 1 - 0 Atheist

2. Men made God

The idea that deep down inside each of our hearts, we yearn for something when we are lonely, thus the idea that civilisation in the ancient days made God to overcome the vacant spiritual needs is an psychological explanation of society creating God to instil unity and community.

What then is the rational behind making a god for men? If men made god, wouldn't men be god or perhaps greater? And if men were god, wouldn't men be able to overcome death, create something, be superior?

It is true, that men have made gods for their own needs, but is it easily believed that that was the only purpose? To fulfil a need? Atheists say that out of the will to be controlled, men made God so that their futures and purposes can be guided by a supreme being, thus labelling religious societies 'weak'. If men made God, wouldn't men be all powerful, able to create and over come death? The answer is no. You don't need experiments and research to prove it because all three criteria cannot be fulfilled by men.

God 2 - 0 Atheist

More to come....

There's more to life

Ever wonder what "life" means? Does it differentiate the contrast of alive and dead? Or does it mean the activities we go through on a daily basis, up and down, that is preconditioned by the world around us?

Have you ever wonder what "life" is in your own words instead of the "life" that you exported from the world around us.

To me, to have life is to have a purpose. With that purpose, only can i live my life to the fullest. We cannot make our own purpose, because it is the purpose that makes us.

Here's a lyric of a song i want to share.

Storyside B: More to this life

Round and round this world we go
Forming truths from what we know
It could never be foretold
What will happen tomorrow
Things we see right now will change
Our lives will never be the same
Praying hallowed be thy name
And I am lifted from my shame
And I know this will not be in vain

A moment in time has passed before my eyes
There's more to this life, there's more to this life
I'm struggling to fight the reasons we cry
There's more to this life, there's more to this life

Time will tell as hours go
The truth inside will soon unfold
Revealing secrets as we grow
Into a brand new tomorrow
The plan is already in place
Transcending love through time and space
Strong and humbled by His grace
Catching tear drops from my face
And I know I will not be ashamed

A moment in time has passed before my eyes
There's more to this life, there's more to this life
I'm struggling to fight the reasons we cry
There's more to this life, there's more to this life

And if it's peace you seek
Let me wash away the blood that's drawn
And soak up all the tears upon my sleeve
And if you'll kneel with me
Well I will pray for our forgiveness
To the only One who'll truly make us clean

A moment in time has passed before my eyes
There's more to this life, there's more to this life
I'm struggling to fight the reasons we cry
There's more to this life, there's more to this life


There is a meaning to "life". We cannot give it meaning by our own views and ways. Just as our body's need of oxygen to survive, so does our life's need in Christ.

It is not an option, neither an advice, nor an alternative. It is a need.

Everyone needs Christ. The result of the absence of Christ is what we see in today's world.

So i encourage you to think about your "life" and what it means.

Love Quotes

I was browsing the net. One thing led to another and i ended up reading love quotes. Some are really good.

Anyway, enjoy.

“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”


“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”


“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”

“True love cannot be found where it truly doesn't exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.”

“You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart.”

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.”

“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.”

“I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.”

“I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you.”

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

LOL

“The worst thing you can do for love is deny it; so when you find that special someone, don't let anyone or anything to get in your way.”

And my favourite of all......

“It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp.”

"I just want to take this opportunity to express myself at this moment, to pray for peace of my mind and calmness for my heart.

I'm a step away from an emotional breakdown, a breakdown that i don't need at all. Being among lives that are constantly stolen and destroyed discourages me a lot. Watching the absense of God around my circle tears my heart. It's rather selfish that i take this burden upon myself to make it an obligation to care. I have no regrets for being. I care because i love.

The pain is sometimes just unbearable. The outcomes i see stirs up within and eats me. The joy sucked out of me, being stolen by a thief, giving the devil his foothold. Unfortunately, in my anger and sadness i sin.

I would just like to once again, pray for a peaceful mind and a calm heart, to be reminded that only God can change the hearts of others. My influences is compromised by my selfishness and thus is not sincere anymore. Prayer is the only weapon i have. In the midst of the situation, i know i am selfish for not being able to let go. I will, eventually."

Anonymous

Love needs no reason

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast.
It is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.


Love needs no reason.

It is not an emotion to be prompt when a stimuli is in place.

It is not a feeling that occurs from an action.

It is not a reflex.

It is not a thought that needs calculation of the situation.

It is not an action that requires labour.

Love just is.....

It needs no reason.

The Dilemma

Last week at OCF Bible discussion we touched on the topic on God's dilemma.

Scenario

Recall  best friend you have, where you spent alot of time with, playing around, talking, sharing secrets, copy each other's homework and seeing each other alot. Imagining that you are now a top judge in a high court and being justice and fair, you cannot be corrupt and unfair. One day your friend is being presented in your court to be charged for stealing $10 because he was hungry and needed to eat. He lost all his investment to the recent economic recession. What would you do? 

As a judge, you must be fair because you uphold the law. Also, you yourself are incorrupt and justice. At the same time, you love your friend whom you spent most of your life with. He/she even saved your life once from drowning in the river when you were young. What are you going to do?

That was the case scenario we presented to our groups. Do you think God has this dilemma too? Think about it.

God is like you too, in the case scenario. He too has a dilemma. It is not easy for Him to just say, i forgive you, because like yourself as a judge, you cannot compromise your love and justice. Just like God who is holy and pure, He cannot compromise Himself by letting go of sin. Sin to God, is like crime to men, which must not go unpunish. He needs to judge no matter what.

Sin is an offense against God. Just like crime. No matter how small or big, a crime is a crime. Is stealing $10 and $10,000 make it less of a crime? 

Nonetheless, it is still a crime isn't it? The same as sin. Sin is not how much of a level that is acceptable in God's eyes. Often we rank sins like a scale from 1-10 and draw a line between what is acceptable and what is not. Often we make that threshold of good and bad and act in a way that we think is close to the line without stepping over to the other side. Think about it again, does stealing $10 and $10,000 make it less of a crime? Just like God sees it, He doesnt perceive sin as big or small. All sins are sins to Him don you agree? If you dot a small ink on a piece of white paper, no matter how much you believe the paper is still clean, it is NOT entirely white anymore. It is true that the dot is hardly seen, but it does not run away from the fact that the paper is not clean anymore. Just like God, who is pure and holy, He cannot tolerate sin, not even a drop or an ink. 

Good and bad, right and wrong is more resemblance to a direction. Even those two words show the extreme opposite of one another. It is a direction. God sees that as a direction. You either choose to go left, or to go right, where one side resembles good and bad. It is not a scale with a line in between. 

So do you think God has a dilemma now?

Whenever we commit sin, it separates us from God. Separation occurs instantaneously. It's difficult to imagine it but here's an example. If you accidentally scratch your dad's car, do you feel anything? If someone scratched your car, do you feel anything? That's separation. You immediately feel guilty or in trouble when you scratched your dad's car. That's the separation your dad will feel too cause his car was being offended against. If i spilled water over your laptop, don you feel an immediate reaction that separates us from our relationship? That's the separation God feels towards sin committed against Him too. But like your dad, he too has the dilemma to punish you, yet love you at the same time. 

So what now? We are all sinners, we commit wrongs against men and against God and GOd needs to punish. Just like you as the judge, you cannot say you won't hand down a sentence to your friend just because he is your friend. 

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 6:23

By being a sinner, we are condemned to die and go to hell. That is the law and that is it. No other way out. Just like the case scenario, your friend has to faced his or her consequences. 

But God is a God of love. He loves us. God does not have love, because He is love. You cannot take love out of God, just like how you cannot take heat out of fire. God loves us so much that he substituted Himself to be a sacrifice for our sins. For sin is punishable by death, so only by sacrificing someone who is sinless, can sin be taken away from all sinners. That form of substitute came in Jesus Christ. He was of no sin, who came to be sin for us, so that we might live. 

God paid the ultimate sacrifice Himself, humbling down to be a men among us, so that He can die for us. It was paid in full.

So back to the question as the judge, what would you do? 

If you possess God's justice and love, you would charge your friend with the most heaviest fine ever (i.e. 0$100,000) because you are a fair judge, and when you walk out of the court, take off your wig, you'll pay it all for him/her because you love him/her.

That's what God did and He showed His justice and love, all at the same time. 

Personal Relationship

Last Friday at OCF, we talked about personal relationship.

Personal relationship seems relatively easy to understand; it involves 2 people. I believe relationships are important because we as humans are wired that way. Having said that, i do believe that we are made to have relationships and not live this world alone. Have you ever felt the need for relationship everyone you are alone? Think back to the times when you were home alone for the whole day, or when you come to a new country and a new place, or when you enter a room full of strangers. No doubt, some may say, they like to be lonely, but after a period of time, there is this 'need' for relationship.

Loneliness does not necessarily mean absense of sociality. It could mean, absense of people you know, or absense of something greater than you. After a certain threshold, we do feel that 'thirst' for relationships. As i have mentioned, i believe as humans, we are wired that way. Not only are we built for relationships, we are meant to have them.

Loneliness brings emptiness as well. When we feel empty, often we try to keep ourselves busy to get rid of the emptiness, but it doesnt stop us from being lonely. We can try and try to keep busy, just to break the emptiness feeling, but what keeps us making ourselves busy? Can you say i'm motivated by emptiness to get rid of emptiness? It doesnt solve the overall problem; loneliness.

Loneliness works in funny ways. I have friends around me 24/7, and yet, i can still feel lonely. I have contacts with my flatmates everyday and yet, i can still feel lonely. This loneliness issue deep inside our hearts is like a doughnut, where cream-fill sauce makes the outside pretty but emptiness fills the inside. Often we try to cure that loneliness by planning our lives with purpose, giving it meaning. We put study, work, marriage, relationships with others and entertainment as means to cure loneliness. It makes sense, i cannot deny it. I do that too. However after all these plans we make, they always come to an end nonetheless. Once i finish my studies, my purpose is complete and i'm back to square one. It's a never-ending struggle to fight loneliness. One temporary solution after another.

Often our future is something that we have no control over and we associate it with something greater than us, like luck, chance, horoscope, favourite number, feng shui etc. All these showcase the 'need' i mentioned about relationship. People want something to be associated with them, something greater to put their hopes on when in emergency. No man dares to say i'm the best and the greatest. He/she would be God. Nonetheless, we always put something far greater than us above us to watch over us. Call it God, call it spirit but again, it shows the 'need' for something greater than ourselves that we want to have a relationship with.

As humans, i believe again, we are created in such a way, that relationships are important. But whatkind of relationships? We often look for meaningful ones, ones that will last forever, ones that will cure that 'need', ones that will take away emptiness in our hearts and loneliness of the world. As horoscopes can define ourselves wrongly sometimes, just as my lucky necklace does too, i know deep in my heart, God's love does not. His relationship is one that is never frustrating, never disappointing and never failing. He said so Himself. His love flows like a river that never ends. That 'need' and 'thirst', call it void, call it space, call it something from nothing, can only be filled with God's love. Everchanging love.

Our hearts are shaped in a certain way. But no matter what way it is, each of us has the same shaped heart, and only one design shall ever fit in it, because only a maker can know which shape to fill it. To find such a maker, we look to our creator. To look at our creator, is to look for our purpose as well, asking questions like why are we here? We tend to think a lot on this issue, what is our purpose? Without purpose, we cease to exist. But we are still here. Thus we know that our maker has a plan for us. He wants to have a relationship with us, which is why, as humans, we always thirst for such a need, because we need relationships.

Relationships are important. Even more so, we have to think what kind of relationships are important. Important in a sense, that they are meaningful and ever-lasting. Not temporary. Loneliness is not an extreme end of togetherness. It is not a scale of 0-10 either. Loneliness just simply means absense of a relationship. You can add friends, but you cannot add loneliness. Even enemies take away loneliness.

As much as i have said, i'm in that sort of stage where i'm like a doughnut. Mostly because i have been looking at the temporary solutions to cure myself of loneliness. At times, i do feel empty as well, and by all means i keep myself busy, yet amongst the busy-ness, emptiness is still there. I can be busy doing things and still feel empty. I can have a hundred friends chatting with me, yet still feel lonely.

Dear God, i pray and pray, that in times such as this, your never-ending love still rests on me, to keep me from the loneliness of such a heart. I pray for a changing heart that is seeking You. I pray for my friends, readers and friends of friends Lord, that You may answer the voids in their hearts when faced with loneliness or emptiness and show them that having a relationship with You, fills such a horrible gap that haunts us everyday. Amen

One word: Irony

This news has been up and about for quite sometime now. It's about 9 year old girl in Brazil who got repeatedly raped by his stepfather since she was 6. She was carrying twins into her 4th month. Doctors allowed an abortion to happen because her back wasn't developed enough to support twins and that issue sparked a debate among Brazilians populated Catholic society. The Vatican got involved as well. More of the story here and here.

The issue on the debate was directed at the abortion itself. Here are some clarifications.

- In Brazil, abortion is allowed in the case of raped or when the mother is put at health risk.

- Abortion is illegal within the Catholic community as it is a form of murder (taking away an innocent life) which matches up to the Ten Commandments.

The question brings to a new issue. How many days/weeks/months is considered "life".

The Vatican says that life starts in the form of an embryo and that God's love does not differentiate itself from an embryo to an adult. Read here.


So now we have 2 points are are openly contradictory to one another. The girl has clearly twins that are passed the embryo-stage and she is also risking her own life by supporting weights she herself cannot support.

At this stage, what are you going to do?

Her mother approved the abortion and doctors went ahead as well in support in order to save the girls life. The Brazilian archbishop however excommunicated the people involved with the abortion deeming it as a sin to take away life. Excommunication here means, to be expelled from the church.

Cardinal Re from the Vatican since then defended the archbishop's decision in the light that many were against. This situation produces a very big dilemma for people like you and i who are at the far side of the world.

In my opinion, it is a rather difficult judgment and decision to make. Ultimately, we're all human and we have to take a stand to something that we belief and stand for am i not right? To be ignorant of such matters is equivalent to a blind man who sees darkness. Might as well right?

The Vatican is known to put church laws above human rights for most of the time. They argued that in this case, human rights do not apply because it is the responsibility of a human to protect the lives of the twins. Also, because God allowed the existent of the twins, thus only God can take away their life. That is the claim.

At the same time, doctors say that continuing with the pregnancy might kill the girl as her bones and muscles are not developed to carry and handle such weight.

Now you be the judge of this.

I know my opinion already and i have no choice but to agree with the abortion solely because its inhuman not to. How can the church think about a poor 9 year old supporting twins? Do they expect her to survive? What if she dies? That's 3 lives they would have taken away. From the church point of view, it doesnt matter as long as life is preserved. What an irony! To preserve life, they are willing to let another go. What form of preserving is that! From the doctor's point of view, it seemed like a textbook decision, to save your patient, you do what is necessary. I do think in making life so much an issue, the church forgot what love is. How are they expecting a mother, to watch her daughter go through a pain no child is suppose to go through, especially labour, at her age! I don expect the church heads to know because clearly they are deprived of such wonders and nightmares of life, yet retaining the status quo that they know what is best for families. Irony again. It is true that God's love has no boundaries, from a zygot to an elderly, but don they think God's love exist for the girl too? Some may argue that yes, the girl would maybe able to give birth in the end if God loved her so much, but being rape and then force to give birth is like double raping her. If forcing wasnt enough in the first place by her rapist stepdad, the church still stood by willingly to force her again . And for what? Seriously, for what? The church isnt gonna take care of them are they?? The church has lost sight of the main issue and missing the point altogether. I do think that the church in becoming God's witnesses to the communities of the world, they let slip what's the basic importance for an individual. So often emphasis is given to societies, communities, congregations, groups, organisations and teams, yet they lose sight of the fact that within all those, exists unique individuals that make them up, each with their own special talent and gifts from God.

No doubt that i've pondered what it would be like to actually have the twins lead a normal life, but then again, i must not lose sight of what is in front of me, in front of them, which is the girl. The Bible does not give such clear answers to situations like this, but still, it calls us to not lose sight in God and to fix our eyes on Him. By fixing our eyes on Him, we could make decisions such as this case. I believe the Catholic church has lost sight of things, looking at the options rather than the immediate consequence.

Having said that, yes the church might be right about all this and the girl may actually survived, but somehow they excommunicated the mother, the child and the doctors. That itself makes their blindness so clear. It goes to show how unloving their loving church is. Who has authority but God alone to deny anyone to enter church. Then again, church refers to the people, not a building. In the light of the excommunication, the Catholic church signalled their intention by not wanting sinners in their church. Irony again.

As humans, everyone is a sinner, and falls from God's grace all the time, everytime. Yet, God still loves us, welcomes us with open arms. Even followers of Jesus dont deny their sins, but delights in their weaknesses to make them grow stronger in Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9

"......Therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when i am weak, then i am strong.

The Catholic church however, desires the holy and expels the unholy. Who are they to judge people's righteousness and actions but God alone. An individual's sin is an individual's sin. It is not a collective total towards the community's sins to which the church can have any authority in having a say on it. Only by God's grace can we be forgiven, and it is not by our own works, or anyone else works, so that no one can boast.

In my heart, i felt sad to see how the church can opt to follow such a path, just for the sake of a law that they intepret as being the word of God. Many would argue with me to question how the doctor would anyway know that carrying the twins were life-threatening to the girl and that the doctor may have made the wrong assumption. I don't honestly, but because he could come to a decision like that, that is serious enough to jeopardise his own membership with the church, i think its goes to show the bravery to what he stood up for, whether in profession and in faith. Whereas to the church leaders, it shows hyprocrisy, willingness to persecute a victim of rape in favour of their sins by excluding them in what is rightfully only God's grace to save and forgive.

The church leaders should by now know God does not discriminate sinners. Nor does he allow us to judge one another.

Let's pray for the girl shall we?

PS: I speak from a Christian point of view, not a Catholic. Do not be mistaken, these 2 terms vary like A and Z.

Business, Busy-ness

Being busy is good. It shows that I am doing something meaningful. It also shows that i am committed to many things. How much the benefit is always debatable. Being busy also shows that life is full of challenges and that it is not a smooth sailing journey.

This semester, i feel pretty busy. I feel as though that God's given 24 hours in a day, is insufficient. How can that be? Everyone has the same equal amount of time to work with but yet, i feel time passes too fast. I thought to myself, it must be my time management skills that are inadequately put to practise. But my skills have not change, thus i must be managing time the same way i used to, maybe just a bit better. Yet still, i hardly get any rest nowadays.

There's just a lot of things that i'm committed to and i'm not regretting it. I took on the chance to be in this position, not because i wanted to prove to people i can do it, but because i want to do it for the purpose of fulfiling God's purpose. With full semester management work, 5 semester papers, OCF duties and MUMSA duties, one must question, why am i in this position?

I believe that in times like these when all seems to move to fast and there's not enough second to catch a breath that it is for my own comfort that God will provide.

I believe that life is not all about weighing the cost and benefits that should be treated like an algebra equation.

I believe that in every distress moment i go through, there is a comfort moment parallel with it waiting for me at the end.

I believe that in sacrifing my free time to do something meaningful, someone elses lives can change even if i did not directly influenced it.

Now that's said and done, there's only one thing i'm constantly afraid of everyday i wake up from my sleep. That in my constant busy-ness of life, i'm missing the things that are right in front of me.

I'm afraid that what i have around me to work with, i lay them aside first and then later and then never.

I'm afraid that in my daily scheduled life, i let go the very opportunities that i hoped for when i commit myself to believe that being busy will change people's lives.

I'm afraid that instead of being a friend to others when they need me, i become a friend to my work daily and weekly.

Lastly, i'm afraid it will severe my relationships with people i'm closed with and with God.

Help pray for me, that in the midst of my life now, that i do not miss the point of it all.

"I can be the fastest runner in the world and still lose a race, just because i ran the wrong way"

InWeekend, UnWeekend

The meaning of weekend excites almost everyone. It does to me too, but the concept is rather different from now on. I look forward to my weekends, without a doubt. Weekends leave behind the trails of weekdays that i dread. It is also a good excuse NOT to do any study.

My weekends have been upside down lately, maybe even for the rest of the year. I feel as though my Saturdays and Sundays are summed up in my weekdays, which is to say i'm as busy on weekdays and weekends.

This Saturday, i only had 5 hrs of sleep prior to waking up. I woke up at 7.57am to the ringin of my phone text message asking for a ride. I had to pull myself up to attend a breakfast with MUCF at Nai Chen's flat. Getting up was difficult, standing up was double the effort. The breakfast went alright. We had Asian breakfast. Hahaha. Check it out (in words) in Nai Chen's blog.

After the breakfast, i got home and continued my sleep. I felt quite unwell the night before already, and coupled with sleep deprivation and insufficient water, it was a fuel for sickness. I slept from 11am-2pm, by-passing lunch. I woke up prior to 2 to ate the leftovers by my flatties. Thanks by the way, i was really hungry. 2pm-4pm is usually badminton session for me, which i decided to skip. It would have really killed me. I got to sit down and do some studying (good boy) but not much (it's ok, still good boy). t 5pm-7pm, i had commitments to attend the Palmerston North annual Relay For Life event. The event is in support of funding research for the cancer societies in New Zealand. It was very interesting. The concept was a relay run for 24 hours (12pm-12pm next day). My club's slot was from 5pm-7pm. Coincidentally, both OCF and MUMSA had the same slot (Dillematic to choose whom to run for). The idea is to keep the baton going around the track for 24 hours. We ran for Massey University by the way. It was a very interesting event, seeing tents of groups erected in and out of the track, opting to stay the night. There was cheers and singing, bells that are ringing, even shoes that are flinging. People just ran so passionately for their loved ones, either cancer survivors or a relative to a cancer victim. The joy on their faces when they ran was simultaneously showcased with the tears of their hearts beating. I chose to stay passed 7pm to watch the lighting of the candles. The candles were placed inside a white "Survivor Bag" with customised messages written by people, showing their love for their loved ones. at about 8.30pm, the announcer told everyone who are running to stop and just walk. Candles are being lit as well. At that moment, silence was observed for 15 minutes, simultaneously while people are just continuing walking the track and others standing by their survivor bagd that are placed around the track on both sides. The surrounding was dark, the only things that can be seen are the bags around the track and glow sticks hanging around participant's necks and wrists. The running continued soon after. I had a quick dinner at MCD and came back to run a few more laps for Massey, just to get our lap numbers up. We were in 7th place by nightfall. I stayed until 12am with a friend of mine. We observed fireworks which marked the halfway point too. I got back at about 1230am and slumped in bed, after shower of course. Just before going to bed, i reflected on the event, seeing many faces that shed tears and sadness during the moment of silence. Even talking to a few participants, they shared passionately. And me? I don't know. I was clueless and emotionless. I felt like a monster then, not being able to share their feelings and sorrows. Yes i ran, not because it's for anyone but just to be part of the moment. I couldn't think of anyone within my family tree who had cancer, or anyone who's close enough anyway. Cancer is everywhere and it's impossible that i havent been around any. Either they were not so close with me, or the ones close to me are keeping it from me. Either way, i had no share of relatives and friends who were fighting cancer, died of cancer or survived cancer that i know off. It's a pity and a blessing too i guess. Not being able to be a part of the moment in heart was a shame, partly because i do not know how to show support to my friends who participated. At the same time, not having anyone close to me suffer from cancer is also something to cherish, as i'm sure many will tell me to be grateful.














That was Saturday, i woke up and went back without seeing any of my flatmate.

Sunday came, i slept for about 7 hours as well. Woke up at about 8.30am to catch breakfast and prepare to go to church. Again, did not see half my flatmate since Friday night. Mass was at 1030am-1130am. After mass, i still had the window to visit the Relay For Life to catch the closing ceremony. I caught up with the scoreboard to see Massey Team finished in 8th out of a hundred. Well Done. I took one more walk around the track just to be part of the moment. The sunshine was really great too. Everyone was eager to see the end. I really applaud those who stayed the night, resting and running until dawn. Many stayed by the way, even those who lived in the city. The front stage, situated in the centre of the track was crowed with people to catch a glimsp of Palmy Mayor and also Palmy MP Jono Naylor and Iain Lees Galloway singing and giving their respective speeches. They looked so normal, in white-tees, cracking jokes and playing with the crowd. It's such a contrast with the asian culture, where Power Distance is relatively high. Back home, even in an event like this, politicians can't even humble themselves to wear t-shirts like that and run the track. Heck, they wont even pick up the mic and woo the crowd. The classical thing we'll always see them doing is giving a probably pre-written speech, usually lame and boring. I went home after that, doing some house work and studied a bit until 2pm. 2pm-4pm, i went for badminton. It was different. I won alot, compared to the week before, where i lost all. I rushed home after that to shower, to attend another church service, going there for the first time. It was part of my search for a new church. It was a Reformed Church and they call themselves a denomination. Makes me wonder, denomination from what? It finished at 5.30pm and i rushed to Dominos to ordered a pizza. After that i was on my way to Uni again, this time to play volleyball from 6pm-8pm. The game was fun and now here i am, spent all of my weekend already. Showered and finally able to have my own time, i sat down and thought of what to do next.

So i switched on my laptop and started wasting my time blogging. I typed in the title "InWeekend, UnWeekend". I started off the first sentence like this. "The meaning of weekend excites almost everyone".............

hibernation summer satisfaction

It has been a while since i wrote to myself. Dated back the last post.......Mid November. Well so much for that effort. I do apologise for being slack and off-beat. My motivation was not there to keep updating. Really sorry. The reason im writing now is to get to the top of people's blog update! I've been sitting down the table for too long. It's time to stretch and just be looking down at the people below for the meantime.

A little bit of catching up from me. A lot of things have happen over the summer. The entire 3 months went by pretty quick and truthfully, i've grown pretty much too. Summer in New Zealand i have to admit is great. I really encourage friends and students alike to stay back at least for ONE summer in your study years, just to experience it and see what it can offer you. Many just go back home and relinquish the tranquility of their houses and delicacies of local food, and ignore the changes and opportunities that summer in New Zealand has to offer. I'm pretty thankful for God, in every way, that i was able to stay back for the summer season. Throwing in another thanks was the chance to go home to Kuching for 3 weeks and celebrate Chinese New Year and meet old faces. That i would say is the perfect summer.

I took one summer paper which was why i chose to stay back. Other than that, it was also a good time to setup my new flat and room. Living with 5 different people, i got to know them personally and improved our relationship as well as learn new skills in dealing with people. The experience is priceless and will be carried throughout my life. Living in the summer season in New Zealand after University Studies ended is very different from normal University Semesters. It is difficult to pin-point the exact experience i get, but i could summarise it by saying it was like being a parent and a child simultaneously. I do recommend staying back for summer, even if you cant stand it, stay for at least until the New Year. I've spent 2 summers in New Zealand already and each offered new experiences that can NEVER/HARDLY/RARELY happen during normal semesters. Learnt many things? Definitely.

I spent my summer hanging around with my temporary flatmates and we went to places we would never think off. I also got the chance to join the carolling team of one of the local church. It was a different environment from Malaysia because we knocked on every door down a few picked streets and just sang right in front of them. Spreading the message of Christmas was a joyful thing to do. Christmas isn't about santa! It's about Jesus! Otherwise, why call it Christmas and not Santamas!

I also spent summer learning "home improvement" skills. Particularly when the kitchen sink got blocked. Twice!!! The 3 of us spent 2 hours figuring out how the system worked, unscrew, clean and screw it back. Imagine this. The sink was blocked and the washing machine was leaking! At the same time!! After that piece of drama, no doubt i'm gonna say i have plumbing experience. The sink got blocked 2 days later again by the way, which we unscrew more pipes and this time, flushed the entire junk with a hose. Experience + 2!

When i went back home, i also had the chance to visit a close friend at her hometown. Her family and relatives were very hospitable and easy-going. I had the chance to go snorkeling for the second time in my life. Yes, snorkeling is not something that can be easily done in my hometown! It was great to see nature in fish. Got a few bite marks as well. The experience was so nice. I dreamt about it weeks before i actually did it. Definitely one of my favourite hobbies now!

I had the opportunity to catch up with reading as well, especially matters regarding spiritual growth. The summer season offered peace and tranquility most of the time. I am thankful for that and give all glory to God for the opportunity. Catching up with different books, about 3, it offered the chance for me to critique and search myself. Bringing me back to square one, i question things like what am i here for? who am i? what am i doing? who is Jesus. Basic questions that a non-Christian would always ask, i ask them over and over again. Searching for my own answers as well as receive help from others, it was a good season catching up with my faith and grow closer with God. I believe now, that being a Christian is all about having a relationship with its head, Jesus. Someone once told me, without relationship, there is nothing. And how true the phrase strucked me. Knowing about God was not enough, because even the devil knows Him, but does not follow Him. I found out that being a Christian is following Jesus and having a personal relationship with Him one on one. At the same time, our life has to reflect on it. Not by mere words but by action and lifestyle as well. But one thing is for sure, change does not happen overnight, neither does it happen over a fortnight. The day i realised i changed a whole lot, i knew in my heart, only God was behind it. He is awesome and almighty, pulling the strings of tools around my life and everyone's life to offer the opportunity for me to change. I did not realise how far i've come to this point (it was quite long). Reflecting back, it was a journey no man will ever come up with on a planner, a journey only God Himself can build and design, a journey only we can say yes..or no, a journey that will change a person's life....or not. It was a journey i sailed that was always subconscious but with God in focus. Friends i have, how grateful for their presence i appreciate, songs i listen, how great it stayed in my mp3 for no reason, people i meet, how unintentional the moment seem.

I am so very the grateful for that. The feeling is exactly how the Bible expresses. That people are blinded to the natural things on this world when their hearts are hardened. I was no different myself. I just want to thank those who prayed for me. Those who had faith in me, even the faith of the size of an ant, i sincerely thank you for the prayers. Ultimately, the change was from God and i want to thank You above all.

This year, i will be pretty busy. I'm taking 5 papers this semester. This is also the first time i have got no free days on my timetable. I'm also in charge of a team looking for sponsorships for BERSATU Games. I'm also the current Secretary of MUMSA. I've also took on a new responsibility as a committee leader for OCF. I've got a new flat with 3 new flatmates. Above all, i'm in the stage of life where i'm making the decisions that will change my life for the next.....neh, forever.